Have you ever been so desperate that you really don't know how to pray? Unfortunately, this has been my circumstance too many times. But we are designed by a great Creator who longs for us to cry out to Him in those moments. I just think that is absolutely amazing, that our God designed us with a need for Him knitted into our very souls. So many search for years if not a lifetime, led by a soul longing for its Creator.
I recently found myself in a desperate situation. I mentioned in a previous entry that I am currently on a spiritual journey. The funny thing is...really we all are. But, for me, the Lord is leading me to a closer relationship with Him and also toward a specific path He intends for me. So, over the last few months I have gained an increasing awareness of my need for healing. Not physical healing, but emotional healing. Specifically, I need to be healed of old memories. Some of you may relate to this in a very real way, for others it may sound crazy. But really it is not. So many times we ask for physical healing for ourselves and for those who are dear to us. It is so wonderful to ask the Lord to heal the body that He knows better than anyone else. Why not then our minds? Or our hearts?
So, after many days of struggling, I decided to fall on my knees and cry out to the Lord in prayer. Actually, it wasn't a "decision", it was out of desperation. But what I love, is how the Lord lifts us when we are at our lowest. In Psalm 40:2, David writes, "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire." (David sure could relate to needing healing from memories)
After I finished praying, I silently cried myself to sleep.
The next day, I got up and went to work as usual. I had to leave the hospital for a quick errand in the morning and when I got in my car, the radio was tuned to my favorite Christian station, as usual. I headed up the road and heard a woman come on the station from "Proverbs 31 Ministries". She was sharing about a time in her life when she really struggled with regret over her past mistakes. She said, "I needed to be healed from my memories of my sin". I almost had to pull over. She continued talking about how in her desperation she cried out to the Lord to free her from her memories. The Lord revealed to her that her healing would come through sharing her story with young girls. In obedience, she trusted the Lord to guide her and in His faithfulness He has used her to reach women and young girls across this country with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her willingness to step out in obedience, led her to true peace and spiritual healing in Christ. But the best part of it all is He designed that moment in my car, for me!! I felt His personal touch and love for me in that moment. He said, "Don't worry, Becky, I have a plan. Just trust me and step out in obedience." How encouraging!
Now, have I been miraculously healed of my memories of sin? Well, yes and no. I still have them, but I have the peace of knowing that my God has a plan to use them for His glory! Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." He can and will use ALL things if we give them to Him. So, here I am, taking little steps and sharing what's uncomfortable to share but gaining peace as a result.