Wow. Have you ever just been completely knocked off your butt? Relax, I'm not referring to any alcohol related incidents. Have you ever just been going about your business, looking at the world through your tiny, little window, when suddenly something just knocks you over? That JUST happened to me! OK, so I'll explain...I have spent the day throwing a pity party. I have pushed through focusing only on my little segment of the big picture, when suddenly, with no warning at all...the Lord got involved. Oh yea, some of you know what I'm talking about, others are going..."Huh?" I'll explain further...
So, T is interviewing for jobs on the East Coast. I am home with the boys, working, packing and overall feeling quite sorry for myself. (Although I didn't notice that last part until the Lord got involved!) Last night, I prayed that the Lord would provide a good job for T. This morning I prayed that the Lord would sustain me while I am here alone. Later, I prayed that the Lord would strengthen me so I can get everything done. Oh, somewhere in there I prayed that the Lord would provide a good job for me, Oh yea and that I wouldn't get sick, and that I need this, and I need that and me, me, me... Can anyone relate here? So eventually my pity party ended in some tears in my office, and I decided to take my party home and feed the kids, and then it happened...as I was reading a recent post from a terrific sister in the Lord, I got goose bumps. And then that swelling up in my heart that comes from the Spirit said to me, "Don't you know, none of it is about you?" I was immediately humbled by the sense of purpose the Lord has given me since He rescued me...It's about HIM.
In that moment, everything lined up for me. All the griping and whining about all that I have to do, doesn't reflect HIM. All of the crying, worrying and complaining doesn't reflect HIM. And all of the anxiety over the minor details of my life does not reflect HIM. If I am not reflecting HIM who am I reflecting? Oh yea, me! How nauseating, I mean do you ever just get sick of your own self? I know I do. But the really great thing is Thank God the Lord gave me His Spirit to gently bring me to my knees. He is always ready to forgive, restore and set me back on path He intends for me. The path that leads others to Him. Because that's what it's really about right? Even in my trials, I want others to see joy and love in me, not because I'm good, because HE is good. Have you ever met someone who speaks of the "Lord's will" and how they are seeking it, or living it, yet their head is down, their mouth is down, and they despair as to how they will ever find a way to do what He has called them to? If the Lord has called, then there is joy in the calling and He WILL make the way. I don't have to worry about the way...I just need to be a reflection of the One who prepares it.
So after I was knocked on my butt, I shifted to my knees...Oh Lord, you are so patient with me, you know I will fail yet you still find purpose in me. My heart is willing, Lord, and I know you are faithful. I'm gonna get back up now and joyfully serve. Bring it on!!