It seems like it was literally yesterday that my sweet husband sat across from me in our favorite restaurant, held my hands in his and told me that he thought we should move to NJ. He asked me to commit to praying with him about what the Lord would have us do. And so we sought the Lord's plan for us together. One of the sweetest gifts the Lord has given me is a husband who is wise enough to seek the Lord's will and committed enough to follow it once it is revealed. It only draws us closer to each other when we seek his calling as a couple for our family.
And so the story goes, we sought Him together, and together we felt the Lord's calling to go. One of the moments that is so poignant to me is a Sunday not long after that first conversation. T and I had been praying about moving but had not yet discussed our intentions with anyone. As we walked in to church late (yes that sometimes happens with 5 kids), John, our worship pastor (and T's buddy) was preaching about how serving the Lord should "cost us something". His prayer that morning was "let it cost me something". . . wow, I had never thought about that before. That had never been my prayer. But this morning the Lord spoke to me, these words pierced my heart, and suddenly it became my prayer, "Lord, I want to serve you above all things, I am willing to lay it all down for you, nothing is more important to me than you, let it cost me something."
In the weeks that followed, I thought and prayed on those words every day. I thought I had it all figured out. T and I both had great jobs we loved. Our jobs provided well for our boys, we lived by the beach (which I had always dreamed of) and we were able to afford to do lots of fun stuff with our kids. So I was sure that "letting it cost me something" meant for us to give up our jobs, our house and some stuff. That certainly seemed costly enough, right? The funny thing is the closer we got to leaving, the less difficult it seemed to give up jobs and stuff, and eventually I started thinking I was really good at giving up stuff because it really wasn't that hard for me. . .
So maybe, unlike me, you have already figured out that giving up the stuff wasn't supposed to be costly, it was giving up the people that is costly. That's the part that is hard, that's the part that still hurts.
God is so good. He delivered us to the Oregon Coast when we thought all was lost. When we were without hope, we held on to Him. . .together, and He delivered. He surrounded us with so many of His people that spent this last year loving us, encouraging us and discipling us. They became such an integral part of our lives that I can't believe its only been a year. It seems as if we have known them a lifetime. The "cost" of saying goodbye to them has been more painful than I could have imagined. It has left a void that only He can fill. The tears have been plentiful, and they have not yet gone.
So what now? Oh, I know. . . hold on to Him and He will deliver. . . Praise God!